Parasocial relationships don’t always have to be weird 

Have you ever binge-watched a series to the point of not being able to tell the episodes apart? Then when the credit scene comes on for the last time for the season to end, you take it upon yourself to watch clips of interviews. Then maybe look them up on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok, and now you're confused about how you're watching an edit that a 13yr old made on iMovie or do a deep dive into them via some commentary channel on YouTube, or even worse yet — gulp — reading fan fiction on Wattpad or AO3. Sometimes this is because we have a hard time saying 'goodbye,' or in some instances, we hope that the character you loved so much on the show shares even just a few characteristics from their on-screen persona. Actors can sometimes do that cool thing where they make you fall in love with their character - even when the plot sucks.

Why does this happen, though? Why do we form such idealistic relationships with "fake" people? Or at least it feels like we do…

Do you want to be with them? 

Fictophilia is a term to describe forming a solid romantic bond with a fictional character and is much more common than you think. It often happens when a romantic partnership or lack thereof feels absent in a person's life. As a result, they often seek fulfilment elsewhere. Falling in love with characters is so common, not because of the aesthetically pleasing exterior but how they are portrayed. For example, have you ever heard of the expression "he was written by a woman"? It's used to describe the ideal man who appears to have a softer demeanour, treats their partner with respect, or doesn't get grossed out about periods…the bar is on the floor, really…beside the point. You fell in love with them because they were written by a woman who knows exactly what the target demographic wants to hear. Viewers can usually find it difficult to separate the script from real life, but no one is that perfect, as shitty as it sounds. Loving a character is nothing to be ashamed of. They are meant to be loveable. As long as you don't find yourself replacing genuine connections in your life with fictional ones, you're in the clear. But I get it; Edward Cullen haunts my dreams (thanks, Stephanie Meyer, for that unrealistic expectation *eye roll*).

Do you want to be them?

This isn't relationship motivated as it is a pursuit of unfulfilled dreams. In high school, I had a DEEP love for Gossip Girl. Huge, in fact. And no, it wasn't for the stellar writing - but the glamorous lifestyle curated by the people who were totally supposed to be my age (15 at the time) and not at all 30. I then drew a lot of inspo from the show and jazzed it into my own life. Lots of peplum, twee skirts, headbands, and loafers. Adopting slang like calling my friends by their first initials and nothing else. I even went as far as to dm each person on Instagram, telling them they looked great in every post, referring to them by their first name. So, they were not Blake Lively and Leighton Meester but a pair of girlfriends I wanted to party with on the upper east side. I know this sounds insane, but the more I watched the show, the more lavish I wanted to live, thus feeling like I was this socialite. I don't know why I wasn't acting as if I didn't have braces until prom. This never progressed into something stalkerish or scary, but I was a true fangirl until I realized the reason I wanted to be like them was actually because I was nothing like them...at all. Forming fictional parasocial relationships can be like playing a part in the show you love so dearly, even if you know you are wrong as hell for the role. This isn't out of the ordinary in younger communities, even if it isn't always the case for everyone else. It wasn't until I realized that I was utterly altering myself to become this bitchy teenager that I could see the problem. It was probably for the best that the show wasn't real...but that blog would be juciyyyyy. 

Do you want to be friends with them?

To some, Rachel, Joey, Ross, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are just Characters, but they are the comic relief at the end of a long workday to others. Having a support system is crucial in a balanced life. This can come in many forms. Whether it be your family, pets, friends, or Friends(do you get it?), everyone needs a safe space to unwind and feel at peace - and to some, this could be a character that makes them laugh, giving them that smile they so desperately crave. It's okay to seek comfort in characters that aren't from our reality, even encouraged by the actors that play them. According to a 2020 report from VICE (How Fictional ‘Comfort Characters’ Help Me Deal With My Emotions), comfort characters are being talked about more than ever before. With Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter being in GEN Z's heavy rotation of apps, watching a GIF or two and beginning to form a bond is extremely easy - much easier than you may think. This isn't weird or scary but can be really wholesome. It is essential to distinguish between in-person and on-screen, of course, but as long as it's not creating a significant impact in your life that isn't positive or affects anyone else's day-to-day, go forth! 

What's my most significant takeaway? First, forming parasocial relationships is normal and, when done healthily, can place ease into your own life by finding a haven in something/someone. Second, screen time isn't always a waste of time. Third, fandoms don't always have to be a crazy young group of teens who gather weekly to rank the top ten hottest characters (but I get it, lol). Finally, what's the best part of fiction? It can be anything you want it to be! Again, as long as we acknowledge that Thor, in reality, has a wife in kids, loving his character is nothing to be ashamed of, plus some of those fan edits are hella catchy.