Stop calling your selfies thirst traps

As best described by Urban Dictionary, a thirst trap is a sexy photo used to acquire the attention of others or to profess one's own attraction. While the concept is not new, the term rose to popularity in late 2011 amidst the rise of Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter. And as the years have gone on, the phrase has yet to lose traction. A key detail about the term is that it went from describing anyone who took a selfie with any nudity. But now? It's become a word for women who may post a photo of themselves in well.. anything.

A photo of them wearing shorts on a beach on a family vacation? Thirst trap because she's showing her knees and seeking attention! A photo of them showing off their new outfit because they feel beautiful and confident enough to do so? Thirst trap because their mid-drift is seeing the light of day. So, where is the fine line between a thirst trap and just being a woman on the internet? 

Casual rape culture is not casual

While it may not be talked about often, I figured it's something important enough to be talked about. Fact: did you know that you're allowed to post a hot photo of yourself? Did you know if you post said photo of yourself, you don't need to seek male validation through it? While it may seem like a crazy concept, it's one I felt like I needed to reaffirm! While posting a photo online can make you feel good, it doesn't mean you want some dude to slide into your DM's with a dick pic. And it certainly doesn't mean that you wish to receive a message from a dude telling you they are about to "rock your world," ... but trust us, we know how that goes. As soon as you rebuff them, have them call you an "ugly slut". 

It's no secret that photos that showcase more skin receive more traction, but what is actually considered a thirst trap? When I was 16, my high school friends told me that if I didn't want to get dick pics DM'd to me, I shouldn't be posting revealing pictures of myself. Thinking about it —my photos were not revealing at all. But knowing that my friends thought I would participate in casual rape culture blew my mind. 

The ideology of someone messaging you, unprompted, with a photo of their privates is disgustingly wrong. It's something that no one asks for! But then to have someone tell you that posting a picture of yourself online meant that you were asking for it. Hmm, does this sound familiar? When we lessen the effect caused by the person who made you feel guilty for posting the photo, we make it not a big deal. This does not mean that you aren't allowed to post a sexy picture of yourself that you feel confident in. Nah, post that photo! It means that people should keep their damn opinions (and their DM sliding) to themselves. You and your sexy photos aren't the problem. The sheer lack of respect is what causes the issue! Listen: if I wanted a DM from my photo, I would be on Tinder. 

My body isn't inappropriate!

Have you ever heard the expression, "am I showing off my boobs? Or do I simply just HAVE boobs". From the tender age of 13, my boobs have been the pinochle of my self-image. They are the first thing ya see when you look at me. I get it, though, I've had DDDs for as long as I could imagine (I swear I have a point to this that isn't just my boobs are enormous), and they were something I just had to deal with. So, flash to the 8th grade. I remember downloading Instagram and being so excited to post my first photo, the most unflattering full-piece Speedo swimsuit picture that my sister took of me in our backyard. Two hours later, a boy from my class messaged me, calling me a slut, saying that I clearly wanted boys to look at my boobs because they were the only thing I had going for me. It was the worst. At the time, I really loved that photo but when he said that, I immediately started second-guessing myself - did I want everyone to look at my boobs? Was I just showing off? Spoiler…no I wasn't. I deleted the picture anyways, but I was heartbroken that I let a little boy with lousy hair gel and who wreaked of AXE body spray ruin my first Instagram post...Not only did I learn you can't please everyone, but regardless of body type, women's bodies will constantly be deemed inappropriate, So moving forward, I made it a mission to post what I felt good in. Although getting slut shamed sucks, I refused to be shamed for my own body. Hell, if the person takes the time to message you to let you know that they didn't like your photo, it may be time for them to evaluate a few things.

I can post whatever the hell I want!

I personally think there's a misconception about posting photos of yourself on social media. I find it's almost compared to that of an unconventional beauty contest with every post. But I wish this perception was changed. Once upon a time, social media was used as a digital scrapbook, and no one gave a shit about if you had cleavage or not. What a time to be alive. Obviously, the tabloids cared a great deal. Still, Instagram was awesome because you could curate your own feed. Still, with popularity, this became less about what you liked versus what you were told to like. I'm not trying to make this philosophical...but with things like thirst traps, it makes it difficult, especially for a woman, to post in a space where they feel they can be celebrated for owning their bodies and not shamed. So, I purpose...hear me out...not caring. I say that as if it's much easier said than done, but holy cow is it empowering to feel good in your own skin and, even better, show it off. When you struggle with a poor self-body image or come to terms with body acceptance, it can feel so damn good to document it - even if you delete it in 3 days. Obviously, this doesn't get rid of people with gross opinions...but it does make it easier to figure out who to block when you get an inevitable message. Posting things is nerve-racking...but surrounding yourself with those you know will comment only on the good makes it a bit better. You've got this. 

So, are thirst traps a good or a bad thing? I think about it like this…No matter who you are or what you believe, we all, to some degree, seek validation. This can come in many forms, whether academic gratification from your teacher, a laugh from your friend group, or your crush commenting on fire emojis on your Instagram photo. It's not wrong to feel this way, but it's essential to not let it rule you. Stop letting other people call your post a thirst trap because they're thirsty…